Only for the eyes of the lady, Golden brings 500 square metres of strip club to Buenos Aires and plenty of naked, sculpted men, whose services are available at a price. Gigolos are a minority in Buenos Aires, as is whipped cream, which apparently Argentine girls love. Gentlemen, it's time to work on your six-packs.
For Men:Affaire, Affaire Pueyrredon 1114, Barrio Norte www.affairebarrionorte.com Daily, from 2pm
The girls will be kneeling on stools 'advertising' as you walk in to Affaire. Enough said. This is slightly better than Cocodrilo, although standards are not as at Madajos or Black; nevertheless, it is an entertaining place to have a drink, witness the Argentine addiction to brothels and to debate the insistence that it is okay to do it once in a while.
Black, Corner of Ayacucho and Alvear +54 11 4804 9652/9749 From 11pm. Closed Sundays.
Opposite the Alvear Palace hotel and above Cartier, Black is the most exclusive of brothels in Buenos Aires. Inside it feels like a bar, or even a house party, in which there are around a hundred girls of different shapes and sizes, all of whom dress differently - some like saints and some like strippers - and all of whom are looking for the big-spending foreigner. If you are not here for the services and are religiously indifferent, the stripping nuns are highly entertaining.
Cocodrilo +54 11 4963 7195 Daily, 10pm-7am
Diego Maradona's favourite, Cocodrilo is a household name in BA's brothel industry. Luckily you can go just for a drink and see what El Diego does in his spare time. Photos of him with his favourite girls are pinned up on the wall behind the bar, in front of which are a middle-of-the-range selection of strippers and professionals who pounce on foreigners.
Madajos, Corner of Azcuenaga and Vincente Lopez +54 11 4805 3208/4807 1311
Less discreet than Black, but arguably better in terms of its personnel, Madajos is located beside the cemetery in Recoleta. You must buy the lady a drink - una copa - for around $30 if you want a serious conversation and around 20 times that if you want the conversation to go any further.
Short-Stay Hotels (Telos)General Paz Hotel, Av. General Paz 3921 y Monteagudo. Tel: +54 4752 0777 www.generalpazhotel.com
Argentines love their 'telos'. What is a 'telo'? A 'telo' is a slang word for hotel, the kind of hotel where you take a mistress, a lover, a girlfriend or boyfriend, or a professional lady of the night, just for a few hours. The General Paz Hotel is the most famous and exclusive of all the telos in Buenos Aires, and its rooms are more stylish than many of the rooms in the city's top, 'above board' hotels.
For SwingersAnchorena SW Club, Anchorena 1121 (corner of Paraguay), Barrio Norte +5415 6569 5215 www.anchorenasw.com
Unaccompanied men AR$120; couples AR$50
Neon lights were invented for places like these. Swinging in Buenos Aires is more popular than you might think - most night-owls have been to a swingers' club at some time or another, and will admit it with a hint of gleeful shame. Anchorena is regarded to be the best of the bunch. Lord knows what the others must be like. This is a Roman-style orgy set out over three storeys. The first floor is home to the dance-floor, where Cumbia is pumped out, while a different sort of pumping occurs in the 'Couples Room' next door. Up one floor is the swimming-pool room with a bar, where couples go to negotiate the switch. Above this are two further salons where couples share the wipe-clean, white leather platforms and do their thing, while others sit around watching with a drink and ill-concealed arousal.